Stillborn

a pain.. forever stricken with this crushing of organs.. squeezed to expel all energy from limbs.. those attached to a already so lifeless body.. a corpse born.. maybe.. no thoughts.. just blank eyes.. you cant sink a boat without bottom you know? nor kill what is not alive. my heart could never beat.. my lungs never expand.. i cannot suffocate so my heart cannot collapse.. lifeless i lay this pain will not surrender its ongoing onslaught on whats left. was i ever born or am i still in womb.. eyes yet to open but someone cut the cord.. light shines through delicate lids and i feel the air though lungs they travel.. but my heart will not beat so this failure just begins.. the intravenous therapy tapped to sustain me.. in arm paddles to chest i hear the scream.."Clear!" the jolts surge but... flat line nothing.. they cannot reach me here.. 9 months she carried... no complications never a struggle not one.. but i was the one not ready for reality so my life was never to begin.. i am stillborn at 20 not ready for what must always pained.. never breathing still surprised by the smallest detail.. never won always lost a hare in the race against tortoises.. i rushed through.. now i lay ever daydreaming.. wondering where did it all begin.. so i close my eyes to sleep.. maybe one day it'll all make sense.. maybe and never