Ignorance

I lie down.. head to pillow... gun to temple, firing off blanks with the clips still full.. my ears ring like a explosion hitting too close for comfort i wake each morning same time, different place, same bed... my life is functional.. don't you agree. I hate it all i'm so positively negative doesn't that make sense? I laugh at death and hate the sight of people smiling... my ear cells are dying a everlasting bombardment to my transformers pillow case.. cute? it's not.. I'm not i hate this all, the way you pucker your lips to kiss me makes my stomach tighten to a vomiting stage of expulsion... ignorance is a thing of the present in mind body and soul now.. how can i feel like a good person when I only wish I was toe tagged in a freezer. My only thoughts revolve around what? any and everything I'm not sure how to make them out but the things that are clear is that nothing in life comes free.. what am i talking about when love does doesn't it? hate does? emotions do? they don't? why not?