Lifeless..

taken me some time to write this.. so bare with me..

It's been a while since i've felt this way but some how you've brought upon the best in me to feel as if there was no test to me that i could not accomplish.. with you i felt the urge to live to not give in to the sadness.. happiness.. a smile that could never be stretched across my face somehow you brought that to me.. confidence that i could do this and be what i knew i was all along.. i considered myself a bad person never caring too much what you people thought but you saw me for who i was and for you ill give him away.. no longer will i be Jaden.. he was too angry to moody and never knew what it was that lied beneath.. beneath it all there was still just me.. just Stephen to become who i am today.. you helped me.. loved me and for that i could never repay you but to you i promise my heart so whole.. i searched for myself and found who it was you so arguably told me i was.. i am just Stephen i can never be them and never be Jaden again.. a poet, a lover, a friend, a brother and a son to God along with my parents.. so knowing you've changed me will you truly just abandon me or is saying i can't just be your friend be too much.. i won't come in second or third or forth because i've let you in and made you my number one.. we fought it out a summer not wasted we accomplished what we set out to do.. you said you loved me and i doubted you clearly but inside i felt you didn't believe.. i got rid of my burdens no bags to this occasion just me to be there with you.. we can make it together but alone i fear i will only.. drift back, away so slow to where you found me.. i'm so lost unable to find myself but how when i am the map.. such a blind navigation but you came and brought that light to reach the next tunnel of life.. i've laid up waiting in sleepless insanity in the back of my mind knowing you weren't still here.. you left me i know.. but a piece of me you've taken because finding my heart was something you did.. that heart is now yours to me you can never return and after you if not you.. i will only be Jaden.. none will feel my warmth my bodies unnatural heat and a blistering cold is where ill remain.. after you there will be none and if this is the end.. the end of Stephen goes with you.. i love you i'm sorry i couldn't be enough.. i never thought i wouldn't be what you wanted and even our first meeting i wanted you only but if he is truly that great then how can i compare.. just know that i love you and leaving a love that you've found for me then a mistake was made and to you your happiness might never come back.. you've hurt me.. taken my beating core and now i'm left just lifeless..