Thursday, July 16, 2009

A Kite's Last Flight..

You've let go, a kite let loose to fly amongst the clouds little was known then that there was no wind to lift with, so stuck just slightly above the ground is where it stays. Time passes the ground crashes forward, its falling failing to fly as you wished. The problem with flight is that you did something none thought was possible you gave an inatimate object a heart, the ability to love then thought unconditionally and more feeling than it could handle. So with heart filled this kite is too heavy to lift so here now is where it must stay down to earth waiting for you to come retrieve. Its easy to create but destruction is done with no effort at all left behind expected to learn to fly on its own. So much put in bringing love to just discard left tossed to the side wishing it could just fly away but unable not knowing how or the meaning confused alone its now raining tattered paper in which you used to craft slowly the rain pierces. New emotions are shrouding it now in darkness all it wants is you but your warmth is no where to be found why was it made? how can it adapt or survive this cold world is nowhere for a kite the sky is where it belongs and the only way it will ever reach the heavens is through love or destruction which have you chosen for its fate?
So shrouded in defeat yet its dance is with disaster the only one who can have it is the one who must destroy, you who have taken my very heart from chest it cannot be returned to sender i have lost it and away with you goes my ability to feel we could not share our hearts instead you gave to me nothing and took everything so what am i to do maybe lead my life in false flings? i dont have that heart but now a heart i dont have i can't keep this up a smile without purpose nothing behind it but shattered possibilites and a dim future. Ive wondered if I was worth this life? I have been reckless and my actions at times hasty i was a liability i know that now but behind this mask i am not an animal behind my flesh i am nothing more than a man i have bled for my mistakes and laid awake hours wandering mind unable to rest what is it that i wished to unlock when so much of my worries are unknown to me. I've lost all but my life at this point so you would believe me to be grateful yet i stand here unable only wishing for the past to return yes those who dwell in the past are doomed to repeat but your worth the twilight zone never knowing up from down just to erase this frown you act like none of this really mattered so was our time a false blip on your radar i meant nothing that your heart can cover it all with dirt and lay me to rest? i feel for you more than i have for myself in the past a force to drive me to do right and be better, do better, live better i even meant it as literally as one could that life without you was no life for me a mistake i brought upon us now im just down, out barely here, thoughtless, loveless, no direction i pray that things look up for one whose sins as deep as my cuts to prove that i cant win for losing. I had so much planned just for all of that to crash and burn i can't hate you for what you have done to me so don't be ashamed. you say its easier to hate me well for me its easier to love you its less energy to just accept the fact that i am in love with you then to fight it. before you i did not know how to love and thought i had loved before you only to be proven wrong never had i meant "I Love you" until I uttered those words to you, Ive put myself in your shoes and instead of impose my own expectations i adapted to you so that you could better me and understand how you felt just to see how i could be loved back. I attached no stipulations to my love i wanted to improve your life our lives always myself around you to show you comfort so that you could be the same. even now i love you and expect nothing in return but i knew you loved me then now its just a pain for you to even speak to me.

So with all this said you created what you could not put the time to see mature this will be this kite's last flight.. no goodbyes.

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